let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Actions speak louder than pants.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
