all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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