Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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