My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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