I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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