The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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