Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
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