Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
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