you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
