i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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