I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
