when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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