i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
