Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
