it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think people are normalizing furries
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
