Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
