Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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