So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
