Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
