@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
