I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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