Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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