True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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