Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
