I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
someone owes me an orgasm
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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