so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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