Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You're so nebulous sometimes
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
