I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
