I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
