Nicole vs. Life
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
