i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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