I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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