Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
