he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Randomize
