I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
