YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Randomize
