I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
