Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
