It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he thought i was a dude.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Ketchup is God's man juice
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
