i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
