So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
