I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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