You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
