Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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