It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
