My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
