I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
