if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
