barbara walters just said penis...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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