I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
