I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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