i wish my penis had a tongue
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
