There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
